For the parents and supports of HH, I hope that you will carefully read all of the websites, etc that are out there before you make a decision to send anyone to that place. The life long damage that comes from being there is something that you will have to life with forever. If good things came out of that place, there would be just as many support websites as there are the ones that don't. Yes, for some it has been many years, but the truth is, we have gone on and the damage has been done so why spend the time, because it is healing for us and if one life can be spared than it is all worth it!
I have read the letter that RW wrote to his followers and I hurt that he doesn't even realize then torment that he put us all through. For those that have never been abused, it is really hard to understand what we went through, but it leaves deep scars. We were taken there and with very little possessions (few clothes if they passed, school supplies, 1 photo album of family, iron, 3 pair of shoes) We couldn't have electronics, make up, hair spray, curling iron. They took you into a basement that only had windows on the one side, looking out to a wood fence that was tall enough to not be able to climb over. PRISON! As you were taken down, slam, lock, and there you were assigned to a staff lady to guard your every move. You absolutely lost all freedom, you could not get your few things, go to the bathroom, talk, leave the dorm, nothing without permission, and then they watched you, constantly guarding you. Then, they started breaking your will, if you looked unhappy, you got spanked for it. They would also start the mental games, pushing to go faster and faster, never good enough, taking supper away so that you would be hungry. Treating you like you were less than human. You weren't allowed to talk to the other girls at first or if you could it was only a few, so therefore while all of you were in this dorm room with 30 beds, you couldn't be near anyone that you couldn't talk to. The only area to be in was the middle of the room and if there was a girl you couldn't talk to, you best be getting away which meant sitting on your bed which wasn't tall enough to sit, you had to lay down unless you were on the top one. They continued to mentally and physically break us down until we were all like 3-4 year old kids terrified of an abusive parent, and would do anything to win their approval only to always fall short. When I got out, some friends were watching a movie called Mommy Dearest, and I only watched for a few minutes because I could totally feel that girls pain and the tears flowed down my face. "How could they hate us so much, what did we do to deserve this kind of treatment???? I would sit there on my bed and imagine this is what the slaves and POW's must have gone thru.
As you read RW rebuttels, think about some of the things he says. The spankings, he admits that they did some, but then stopped in 1996. Why do you think he stopped, it is still legal in the state of Indiana, and if you listen or read any of his sermons, he is a firm believer in them, he even says that it is his goal to break the will of his own kids by the age of 1???? Do you think that it is right to spank a 12-17 yr old girl??? and would you want a man to do that.....there would plenty of women there, why have a man???
The Physical Exams, do you think that any 12-17 yr old girl would resist that, they are painful, and in the prescence of strangers??? How would you feel, and how does he know that they were not held down, did he have a camera, or ask the dr to give a detailed report??? AND why don't they do them anymore, if the reason for doing them was to check for STD's, that definitely hasn't gotten better with time, so why not now???? My guess is because it was wrong to do and should have never been done in the first place!
BM chart, if they were not done to embarrass then it is crazy to have them. Do you have a BM chart in your home, and do you know when your 12-17 yr old has a bowel movement???? Then why do they need one, we had so much fiber in our diet, don't know how anyone could be constipated, but like he said there was a RN on staff, why couldn't the student with the problem go privately to her and get something like anyone else would. They did it to take our dignity away, we did not own our bodies, they did and the RN who he spoke of loved to read out loud to everyone what everyone had. Honestly, the purpose of the BM chart was so that the staff could catch one of the girls forgetting to mark it and give them extra work duties. For you see, we were always on edge, trying hard to remember everything that we had to do so that we didn't get in trouble and you couldn't remind the others unless you could talk to them. Also, our laundry was dumped out in the open for all to see so that they could count everything that was in there to make sure there were enough dirty clothes or you would get a bunch of work duties for that too. They went through your stuff weekly to make sure it was in perfect order and that there was no dust on anything or that would get dumped also, and get work duties. If your bed wasn't perfect, that would get stripped and had to be remade.
Menstrual Cycles. I can't believe that he admitted to this, that IS NOT NORMAL! Go ask any OB/GYN dr. if it is normal for a girl that has been menstrating at home, STOPS for 1-3 years while at HH, and then starts back up at home. This is not a temporary problem, something caused the menstruation to stop....check this out. Many of these girls are having female problems.
Withholding meals. This was talked about a little, but this happened frequently. You were required to clean large areas in a small amount of time without missing anything or you failed the duty and didn't get supper. They had us do strenuous exercises and work hard like a man at times, and we were still growing kids that needed to eat, broth did not cut it. An example is a 3 stall bathroom, with 2 stalls of showers, 1 stall bathtub and 3 sinks. You had 45 minutes to scrub everything, and then they would check a little seal behind the toilet with their finger and if there was ANYTHING on their finger, it failed, and most of the time you didn't know what failed, you are desperately tried to clean it again as fast as you could praying it would not fail.
Diapers. This is the thing that bothers me the most. There were several girls while I was there that were made to wear diapers. He may be covering for himself a little by saying that they were urinating on the furniture, well, maybe, but only because they couldn't hold it any longer, and they would under no circumstances let you go when it wasn't time. Where else are you not allowed to go to the bathroom when you need to????? This really burns me up because God is the one that made their body and they could not help it if they had a small bladder. Remember, we were made to eat and drink, we did not have a choice. So, for instance, this well hydrated girl was made to eat every summer for sure- a large bowel of soup, mostly water, a tomato, a cucumber, and a large glass of water for lunch. You were not allowed to go to the bathroom until 230, for some, that was torture, and I remember one girl (I actually could say the names of most of the ones that wore diapers, but I wont humiliate them more) and the tears would flow down her face. You could see on her face, she was in agony. She would be dancing around because she had to go so bad. It was heart breaking and no one was allowed to talk to her and comfort her because she was being punished for not been able to hold it. All of the girls would always let her go first because we all felt so bad for her. This was not rebellion, she cried all of the time and begged and begged the staff to please let her go, and they didn't care, they made her wait until it was time. Remember, we were broken girls. Then came supper- 1 cup of alfalfa sprouts, 1 cup of cabbage, 1 tomato, 1 cucumber, 1 large glass of water, and then 1 cup of "whatever" (sauerkraut and sausage, rice with spinach, etc) The last bathroom break was at 8 or 9 for the night, and then you were not allowed to go until after midnight. You had to wake the staff lady up that was guarding the bathroom to ask if you could go. She would beg them to not have to drink the water at night, but it was always no! She tried to help herself, she was trying to do the only thing that could help her (not drinking so much) but they didn't care and wouldn't let her. The staff would laugh at her for having to wear a diaper, all they wanted to do was humiliate. So, if she couldn't hold it, she would have to go in her bed. Also, the 5 dorm windows were always open at night no matter what time of year, and then middle window had a big industrial fan in it blowing on high, and many of you know how well cold air and going to the bathroom go. Plus, they made her sleep on that side, because they said it was easier to get her mattress out. Then in the morning, which we were not allowed much time to get ready anyway, she had to wash all of her bedding, scrub the water proof mattress pad, and then carry the mattress outside without any help because we were not allowed to talk to her. And, would they let her carry the mattress out the door that was in the dorm. ABSOLUTELY NOT! She had to carry it all the way through the basement to the door on the other end??? WHY???? Good question
It is sad that they were entrusted with so many lives, they could have made a big difference, for you see, God loves us all, no matter what we have done, it is unconditional, and sadly, HH has turned many to hate God and they don't want any part of it. Jesus came to earth and he went in among everyone, lovingly showing them the way. When I left HH, I felt like a lost puppy in a world that I didn't know how to belong to. We were told our every move, and then that is finally gone, you are so confused. You were made to believe that you were less than scum of the earth, and should be greatfful that you are even getting a second chance at life even though none of us even committing a crime!
One final note.....if you talk to your daughter on the phone or visit her and like how happy she is, remember that she is being made to be that way. We get 1, 2 hour visit every 3 months and 1 ten minute phone call a month if we get everything done, and that is the only happiness we have. But, we are threatened that if we say one negative thing or ask to go home, our phone call or visit is over. So, the girls will do anything to get to see/hear from their family, and act happy like they want. Our mail is also read and approved before it goes out. Don't these seem like big warning signs???? What girl wants to be ripped from her family for 3 months, and only parents can come the first visit, so if you have siblings, you don't get to see them for 6 months. We treat our prisoners that murder, etc better than that....they can have as many family visit as they want and 2 friends per week, and they can say whatever they want to their visitors. They have visitation every night and afternoon on the weekends, so they could potentially get a visit every night. Also, they can write and receive mail from anyone, and they can choose to eat or not, they get a job in the prison, and use the money to buy stuff from the store (including tobacco until a few yrs ago, have magazines, TV, go TO THE BATHROOM when they need to, go to the dr, talk to any of the other inmates! Why are our inmates getting treated better than kids??????
He would call ladies that wore make up, harlets. How does that make you a harlet anyway??? The girls came in and if your hair was longer then your bra strap, you didn't have to curl your hair, but if it was shorter, than you had to use sponge rollers and make your hair really curly, because if it straightened, you would be in trouble, and remember there is no hair spray. Somehow, hair longer than your bra strap was godly. He said that we were part of the church service, well, we were in it, but didn't get to be a part of it. Like I said, we were constantly treated like criminals, we had to form a line and were escorted where ever we went, and they made it every obvious that we were being guarded. "Line up girls" was always shouted, that meant for the bathroom (which we all had to turn backwards because we might be able to make eye contact with the girl that was shadowed because staff had to watch us in the bathroom. To go into 1 of 3 closets were your few possessions were kept (which was locked at night), to walk to the other end to eat, for school, and for church. Church was, Line up, and then the tall wooden gate was opened with guards blocking the door ways, and you are escorted into the church like a prisoner to your assigned seat, which you had to get in line accordingly. We were marched in as the service started and then before it was over. Never allowed to visit or anything, marched in and marched out. In fact, you could not say a word the whole time this process took place, no getting up and DEFINITELY no going to the bathroom. Imagine what this does to you, getting escorted around and marched in lines, day after day. We looked just like the prisoners on TV do when the guards are moving them from place to place. There was not an ounce of self worth or dignity left in us, and we were the lucky ones, some of them had to be attached to the staff. They weren't allowed shoes, and had to face the wall at all times because they weren't allowed to look at anyone. We weren't allow to be anywhere but the main area with another girl so staff could see us at all times, and we always had to walk with our heads down so we didn't see another girl. These were girls that we LIVED with sometimes for years! We couldn't talk except for the girls on our list and that had to be in front of a staff, and if you were talking to a girl on your list, no one else could talk to you two unless you two were both on their lists. So, basically, it was hard to talk to anyone, and we couldn't talk in line, which is where we spent a lot of our time. Also, there was one mirror in the bathroom and one in the door and you couldn't look in the mirror if there was a girl looking that you couldn't talk to, so as you hurried to get ready in the morning, waiting for staff to let you in the closet or the bathroom to get your stuff, you basically had to get ready without looking in the mirror. Then, they lined you up and inspected you to make sure everything was perfect. Those straps on the uniforms had to be tied perfectly and straight, which was really hard to do by yourself. We weren't even allow finger nail clippers, the staff would cut our nails, HELLO, we were teenagers! So, knowing how important body image is at that age this is what we looked like, red high coller shirt, blue uniform, curly hair from sponge curlers knee high red socks and no grooming tools except a tooth brush. NICE!
